Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A Few Minutes of Feeling Good
Well, what the hell am I doing here? I'm revved up and ready to go. I have barely gotten out of bed the past week, so I'm well rested. I need to burn off some energy. I guess all my sentences are going to start with "I". Who am I talking to in my head? Who's approval do I need? Why am I like that? What does it matter? I think I may be having a problem focusing. I have no purpose other than keeping myself busy. Let's see how negative I can get about myself. That's what it always comes back to. Isn't it? When in doubt turn on myself. What makes me that way, and what do I do about it? These are probably the same questions I had my first time in therapy. I've come a long way. Haven't I? I can feel it turning. I'm getting control of myself by getting down on myself. Now I'm running out of gas. The thrill is going. I should end here. The rest will get worse and worse. I was inspired. Now I am just bored. Writing is theraputic. I don't want to quit. I want to write something that will justify my existence. I want to be worth something. Can I get that by writing? I could if I wrote something successful, something other people would want to read. It's too bad. I'm just me.