Once again, with Feelin'

Well where am I? I'm taking everything way too personally. I'm being way too judgemental. It's a lot easier to say than it is to do something. Mean people suck. I like getting back at them, but then I'm just being mean too. I like being mean to mean people. I like going to war. If you don't get what you like you need to learn to like what you. I need to feel like I'm in danger of losing everything that I've got which I am. I just feel indignant. How dare people treat me this way! I need a humility pill because I'm special you know. "Look at me. I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree." And the solution is....... I guess the solution is to realize that I haven't been keeping my head down. I'm going to get it shot off, and be just so much cannon fodder. All the daydreaming I've been doing is about me being a big man. It's fun to do, but it's leaving me with the totally wrong idea. God grant me the serenity.... I need to get back to what I was doing where I was very mistake tolerant. All this high livin' is getting me down

A record of time and place

I'm sitting here at borders. My car is packed. I moved out this morning. I'm going to sneak back at 9:22. It's 7:23 right now. This should have been a you tube video. I need to get a PCS phone with unlimited internet ant where there is cell phone coverage.














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Eventually, Politics

Well, I did it again. Hit the wrong key and lost it all. And it was so good. It's the one that got away. So here I am starting over. I was writing about using this forum to see what was on my mind. Then I remarked about how it was all about me. That's when the boom hit. When I'm out by the river looking up at the rock faces I'm able to see that there is a higher priority than myself. Looking at this computer screen, however, doesn't give me the same feeling. Here I feel the need to describe what is going on with me. To every thing there is a season. There's a problem in determining what is important enough to mention. How can I tell if something is boring or not? I guess this is where editing would come it. Really, I'm trying to self edit before I even write it down. I don't see it working real well. The whole thing strikes me as a losing proposition. So I'm back to doing what I'm really good at, getting down on myself. It's good for filling in the gaps.
Basically I'm using this as a diary. I know I've said that before. Diaries can be so boring. Let's see how fast we can recount the past. I stayed home Saturday thinking that I wanted to see the football playoffs. I didn't, but I do remember having a manic episode where I came up with lots and lots ideas for things to do. If I'm able to accomplish even one I should consider myself as having beat the odds. Yesterday morning I watched Dick Army say how the Arizona shooting was a problem for psychologists not sociologists. Expecting an extreme right winger to do anything but deny any and all responsibility would be like expecting Hitler to have a change of heart. To me it all goes back to Reagan. I realize that the guy did have a first rate temperament, but what really wowed the right was his ability to be downright mean in the slimiest way possible. Homelessness wasn't a problem until Reagan had his way. And he had the ability to say really mean things and get away with it. Now I realize the equation has to be massaged both ways. I also realize the worse a conservative acts the faster real change will come. It's nasty that it has to be that way, but that's the way it is. Then we had Newt Gingrich. Democrats had held the house for forty years, and that just wasn't healthy. You can blame the left for not being aggressive enough and therefore never having to face defeat. You can blame the public for getting strung out on hand outs. You can blame the democrats for handing them out. You can blame the Republicans for refusing to budge to the left and become competitive. I haven't studied it enough to know what other people think. Anyway it became legitimate for Gingrich and the right to get really nasty. The system had lost its balance, and they had a right to have it restored. They were the only ones to come up with a workable plan to do so. Just because it entailed poisoning the public debate didn't make it illegitimate. So the left wing once again has reaped what it sowed. What should have been done I have no idea. It's the world. It is the way it is. You can't change the world. The world is going to be the world. I just think we are really lucky to have Obama. I love this guy. I love everything about him. So that's pretty much the way it is. I've run out of energy, so I'll just stop in the middle of everything. It's my perogative. I can do anything I want. It's my party, and I'll go home when I want to.

To Beat Back Poverty, Pay the Poor - NYTimes.com

To Beat Back Poverty, Pay the Poor - NYTimes.com: "Today, however, Brazil’s level of economic inequality is dropping at a faster rate than that of almost any other country. Between 2003 and 2009, the income of poor Brazilians has grown seven times as much as the income of rich Brazilians. Poverty has fallen during that time from 22 percent of the population to 7 percent.

Contrast this with the United States, where from 1980 to 2005, more than four-fifths of the increase in Americans’ income went to the top 1 percent of earners"

Another dollar, another day

You know it might help if I made a few notes and had some kind of plan for what I was going to write before I begin. This is all strictly stream of consciousness. I have to be writing before I can think of what I want to write about. I would say there is definitely room for improvement. Like this morning I would like to write about what I've been thinking about what I could do to help the homeless. What do the homeless need? What can I do that helps them? I take the 7:54 bus in in the morning. It gets me to Eureka about 8:45. I walk down to the showers and hang out. Then I walk over to the three sided shelter beside the mission and check that out. I still have to apply at the St. Vincent de Paul lunch room, but I've applied at the store and at the showers. The mission just uses people who stay there. In other words I need to find something to do on my own. There will be ups and downs I'm sure, but I'm just taking it one day at a time. It too is a stream of consciousness kind of thing. Yesterday I went out to the shore by the mall. I found a torn tent and a somewhat clean piece of styrofoam the thickness of a blanket. I rolled the two up with a clean trash bag I had been sitting on and picked a place to stash them to see if anyone would disturb them. I also picked up the litter around the area. I put it in the plastic bags, the urban tumbleweeds, that are usually part of the litter. I wrap one bag inside another somethimes wrapping three or more bags around each other. The idea is to keep the litter from scattering again. Also if the homeless find it it will give them something to do if they think there is something valuable inside. Maybe I can get some of the yellow bags they put trash in that they pick up beside the road. It would probably be a bureaucratic nightmare doomed to failure. I might uncover some interesting information in the process, however.

The obvious thing that the homeless need is a home. To do that, however, they need to cooperate with the system so they can be reintegrated into it. By doing nice things that they would appreciate it might be possible to get them to look positively at the system again. That's the theory at least. I not only want to help the homeless I want to help the rest of society also. Martin Luther King jr. didn't only want to help black people he wanted to help white people too. I think society in general wants to be free of the shame that the homeless bring upon them. They have just given up trying to figure out how to do it. I think it could be called compassion fatigue.

The morning after

Well, happy new year! So what? I mean really. Once again inspiration eludes me. I'm recovering from a little mania, and I see that I'm not in the best mood. Still I write. Is it because I want to or because I have to? What difference does it make? Should I not do it if it is because I want to? If I'm doing this to just kill time I ought to just erase it when I'm through. Maybe I will. How will I determine whether I do or not? Might I preserve this just to show what a bad entry looks like? The real question is how many different directions can my mind go in at one time? I guess that's called looking for inspiration.

I just moved to another table so maybe I'll be able to do better here, but from the feeling I'm getting while I'm writing this first sentence I doubt it. The other place was warmer, and in January I'm always looking to stay warm. Anywho, I'm at where I'm at. I look around at all these people working at jobs that really don't pay that much. Still they do them with honor. They're satisfied with what they have. I can't understand that. It's like they don't think enough of themselves to be discontented. I guess that's the way to be. I know I'm not. Everybody has problems, though. I just have a lot this morning because I'm recovering from a manic episode. Really it's good in a way. It keeps me aware how hard my life can be. Otherwise I would take on too much. Face it. I'm going to push until something pushes back. This morning is what that push back feels like.