Monday, January 3, 2011

The morning after

Well, happy new year! So what? I mean really. Once again inspiration eludes me. I'm recovering from a little mania, and I see that I'm not in the best mood. Still I write. Is it because I want to or because I have to? What difference does it make? Should I not do it if it is because I want to? If I'm doing this to just kill time I ought to just erase it when I'm through. Maybe I will. How will I determine whether I do or not? Might I preserve this just to show what a bad entry looks like? The real question is how many different directions can my mind go in at one time? I guess that's called looking for inspiration.

I just moved to another table so maybe I'll be able to do better here, but from the feeling I'm getting while I'm writing this first sentence I doubt it. The other place was warmer, and in January I'm always looking to stay warm. Anywho, I'm at where I'm at. I look around at all these people working at jobs that really don't pay that much. Still they do them with honor. They're satisfied with what they have. I can't understand that. It's like they don't think enough of themselves to be discontented. I guess that's the way to be. I know I'm not. Everybody has problems, though. I just have a lot this morning because I'm recovering from a manic episode. Really it's good in a way. It keeps me aware how hard my life can be. Otherwise I would take on too much. Face it. I'm going to push until something pushes back. This morning is what that push back feels like.

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