Sunday, June 24, 2007

Diary of a Madness

Am I a madman? No. Do I have madness? Yes. You've heard of controlled rage? Well, I have control of something. I'm not quite sure what it is. It has its ghostly aspects, but it is more of a behavior, a sequence of events. There are as many different kinds as there are kinds of people. Like anything of the mind if you look at it hard enough it disappears. Say the same word over and over. See how long it makes sense.

What can be gained? A cure? Not likely. Who knows what there is to be gained? Is that a reason to not do it? I don't have such impediments. I do it for no other reason than I feel compelled to do so. That's good enough for me.

Madness starts out as eccentricity.

I make connections no one else makes. It could be genius, but it never is. It is error in search for genius. I want to be different. I want to contribute something that no one else has. This is what I thought people should do. It's so deep inside me that I can't change it. I can only be me, and me is defective. I'm worthless to the world, and I can't change. Depression is one of my chief symtoms.

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