It's so faded already. The part of me that comes up with all this crap goes away the second I hear the whirl of the fan starting up. It all goes. It will leave for any reason. All other times I'm trying to block it out of my head. It changes subjects instanteously. It's just out there.

What's the difference between sitting here at the computer and sitting outside? Outside my mind roams free. Here I have to concentrate on keystrokes. It's a totally different ball game. Totally. Yet I try to do the thing I'm doing outside inside. Can it really even be done? I'm doing some imitation of it. And it sucks. What are my alternatives? There just don't seem to be any. It's this way or the highway